I did seek and hope to find love in lockdown on a dating app!!
I found someone in another country half the world away about to move here!
I wanted to write about what I learned about myself throughout the 4 months.
All I can write about is myself as per all my posts.
My feelings are big and often intense, and there is nothing wrong with that!!
Trust is harder for me in a relationship if I’m lied too at all. But I’ve learned I will try and forgive and move on trust again and give another chance to something I thought could work.
Before in a relationship, I would always blow off some steam by consuming alcohol or smoke or both, being in recovery means I don’t want to chose to do this. When things did get difficult I did think about having a drink of course. I understand now why they say in the programme not to have a romantic relationship for your first two years sober,it is sound advice.
I needed to find ways to breathe and have space in other ways, set boundaries and have those boundaries respected.
I’ve learned that I am open to the possibility of love.
I am brave and strong and willing to believe one day I might meat someone again.
I can show up, be intimate and vulnerable.
I am 100% not perfect nor ever like being told I am.
I am capable of being the first person to say sorry.
I do not like a conflict in any way and I will want to run far away from it. More work needed here for sure!
I am willing to put my own needs first even if that means hurting another person. Which is huge for me.
Being so close with someone for this length of time and sober means I am going to miss them. I’m allowing all these feelings and trying not to judge myself for any of them.
I am proud of myself for not drinking throughout this experience. Would have been so wasteful.
My recovery is the most important thing.
I am thankful for all I have learned and for being open to learning and loving.
Thanks for reading.