Coming Home

Just 16 days into my sobriety I reached out to a somatic therapist whose small flyer I saw at the place I worked at the time. It was on the notice board that I placed many posters on and took many down myself and well never noticed it before!!
It amazes me how quickly I reached out. From the flyer which was more like what you might imagine being an osteopath advert(it included a picture of a spine) I just felt this would be for me. A different kind of therapy than the usual talk kind.
One month and one day after giving up alcohol nicotine and weed, I went to my first session. And I’ve been going weekly ever since.
I believe I am a testament to therapy working. And I believe in this kind of therapy being so so beneficial for those who have suffered trauma.
I had a huge revelation lately that I wanted to share here and it was this.
When I was young it felt like something bad was inflicted upon me and it got stuck someplace in my body.. it manifested in various ways but mostly in ways of me feeling bad about myself through no fault of my own. This is not just something I feel, I know others who have been abused may identify with it also.
I have never been able to put it into such words before alas because I feel like it came from a place of feeling into my power. Sitting right into that strength in my own body feeling. Which is very new to me despite how I may appear to carry myself!
You see I am letting all that shit go, all that bad. It was never mine to carry around and carry for so so long. It has not and is not a decision I came to as in”I have decided to let it go and therefore I can”!
If only it was that simple then it would be long gone!!
No, my freedom is coming from the very thing that the trauma was done against and felt stuck in. My freedom is coming from my own body and my own power.
Not my mind from lack of thoughts or from time healing anything nope…But from my body where I feel and felt everything. I can finally say well shout actually fucking ROAR even
“I am coming home” to myself AND my body feels like it is becoming a WHOLE body again. Not cut off anymore.
The hard work is paying off. The uncomfortableness, squirminess, shamefulness, the sitting it out and reaching right down into it and not fucking running away is paying off. The hours spent on the sofa the hours spent driving with a dread in my belly sometimes to and from is paying off!
Loving myself and embracing myself through this process has been the biggest test. When all the ugly truths came up and continue to come up, staying with it is so so tough. But I am learning it’s possible and worth it.
I am very lucky and very thankful to have found my therapist. A safe person and a safe space. I can truly be myself in tears or in laughter and not feel judged in any way. My higher power has truly provided for me. I wish this for everyone who is searching for a therapist right now and I wish you so so well on your journey.
Thank you for reading and keep shining.🙏🌈💞

Love this quote ❤
Be patient with you💞

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