I did seek and hope to find love in lockdown on a dating app!!
I found someone in another country half the world away about to move here!
I wanted to write about what I learned about myself throughout the 4 months.
All I can write about is myself as per all my posts.
My feelings are big and often intense, and there is nothing wrong with that!!
Trust is harder for me in a relationship if I’m lied too at all. But I’ve learned I will try and forgive and move on trust again and give another chance to something I thought could work.
Before in a relationship, I would always blow off some steam by consuming alcohol or smoke or both, being in recovery means I don’t want to chose to do this. When things did get difficult I did think about having a drink of course. I understand now why they say in the programme not to have a romantic relationship for your first two years sober,it is sound advice.
I needed to find ways to breathe and have space in other ways, set boundaries and have those boundaries respected.
I’ve learned that I am open to the possibility of love.
I am brave and strong and willing to believe one day I might meat someone again.
I can show up, be intimate and vulnerable.
I am 100% not perfect nor ever like being told I am.
I am capable of being the first person to say sorry.
I do not like a conflict in any way and I will want to run far away from it. More work needed here for sure!
I do recognise red flags and when they keep occurring.
I am willing to put my own needs first even if that means hurting another person. Which is huge for me.
I know now what love bombing is and am thankful on how to recognise it..
I’ve learned that even though I decided to end it I am still left with grief. Even though this person was not right for me.
Being so close with someone for this length of time and sober means I am going to miss them. I’m allowing all these feelings and trying not to judge myself for any of them.
I am proud of myself for not drinking throughout this experience. Would have been so wasteful.
My recovery is the most important thing.
I am thankful for all I have learned and for being open to learning and loving.
Thanks for reading.